“And the next contestant, we have an Asian mother all the way from Malaysia who has the most unusual talent that promises to blow your mind away. Get your hands together to welcome Seven2SevenMom to the Annual Special of Britain Got Talent!”
The audience roared and cheered on as I stepped on stage dressed in a cotton candy pink dress that the stylist backstage thought would make me look at least 5 stones lighter. Lighter or not, I feel my eyes being probed by the high beam from the strip light and as soon as I got even more self-conscious, my heart could not stop from racing like a mad horse. Damn it, I have done a gazillion presentations in front of an audience before, why do I display the worst of stage fright now!
I cannot even control my knocked knees and feel like I am going to throw up just about any time now. Then the superhot British host appeared looking every bit as dapper and sharp as his grey Parisian suit came on stage with his sparkling smile and much as we have rehearsed our banter thoroughly before, I could barely understood what he was saying in his thick British accent.
“Hello, Seven2SevenMom, you know, this is the British edition of the mega franchise TV show and so far with our strict selection criteria of singing, acting, performing or one-of-a-kind talents among the Brits, we have cut out all those we didn’t think qualified for this show. You must have a really superb talent that our producer went completely bowled over and insisted to fly you all the way to the UK, home to some of the world’s most famous and well-loved royalties, superstars, singers, supermodels and rockers, to showcase your unique talent right here before our very eyes, in front of a global audience tonight! You must have that special Talent that the rest of us mortals do not have!”
“Can you share with us just what inspired you when you signed up for this competition?” Mr Dapper asked with a smile.
“I… Sorry, I… I’m not used to all these song and dance and the limelight. It… it’s a little too glitzy for my normal life as just… just a mom with 3 kids.” I stammered.
“It’s perfectly fine to feel a little overwhelmed because you are GOOD but you do know that if you could wow and win the audiences tonight, you get to keep the Ten Thousand Pounds which would makes you so much more than normal when you fly home feeling that bit richer, more fulfilled and definitely On-Top-of-the-World! So again, what inspire you?”
“I guess… I guess anything and everything in the everyday life with the kids inspire me… from fetching them to school, to getting them ready for exams and correcting them when they wander off from being RIGHT… You know, just being the best mom that I can.”
“Very well said! Without further ado, I shall invite your three little assistants to join us on stage as we let you shine on Britain Got Talent!”
The three happiest little people are immediately led onto the stage by a gorgeous lady usher and soon meet me at the centre of the stage where a tiny red car has been placed on a platform with a huge simulator attached to its engine to simulate driving motion as if we are driving back in our homeland in KL. The kids are looking their best with their coordinated outfits loaned by the backstage stylist and I couldn’t help but to think they are the best looking kids in town. I give them a hug and then ask all three of them to get into the passenger seats at the back.
I strap on the safety belts for the three of them as they settle down comfortably. By now they have become somewhat giggly and shy about appearing in front of such a big audience for the first time of their lives. I got into the driver’s seat, buckled up and waited nervously as I feel my cheeks turning hot because I am not sure if the simulator is gonna start soon when out of a sudden, Pumpkin Mei-Mei starts her usual screaming about Cheeky Koko accidentally stepping on her toes. “MAMAAAA! Koko just stepped on my toes and it hurts! What an elephant legs you have, Koko, can’t you just watch where they are going? Gosh, they are sooo heavy!”
“Oh yah? And who screams like a baby? Oh right, it’s my BABY sister, who is super-moody again, like as if it was my fault that she is wearing slippers that exposed her vulnerable toes and emotions!” Cheeky Koko reciprocated.
“Stop fighting you TWO! Didn’t I always say that you should love one another because you are siblings? Siblings take care of each other and never irritates one another because that’s what the enemy does, not good kids, and certainly not God-loving kids! When I was your age, I would … blah blah blah…blah blah blah…blah blah blah”
5 minutes into my lecture, I realised that the three happiest little people have all fallen asleep in the back and they are sleeping so soundly that they were snoring all at once! The entire TV station, my parents, Daddy Joe and the panel of judges included, soon erupt into the wildest cheers of joy and they spring from their seats in unison giving me a respectful standing ovation for my brilliant performance!
I gave off a loud and victorious laughter on seeing Mr Dapper come on stage announcing enthusiastically that my special talent in making my kids launched into deep sleep with my long-winded speech has just won me the special…
“(Yawn) Money, I know, Mama, I should be more careful with my pocket money next time, because it’s hard to earn even one Ringgit. I am sorry, Mama,” she continued, “and I am sorry that every time you scold us we will fall asleep so deeply (Yawn)” came the sheepish smile and innocent voice of Pumpkin Mei-Mei that woke me up rudely from my daydream at the traffic light stop.
“You guys fell asleep when I was lecturing, again?” I asked.
“Mama, maybe it’s not your scolding. May be it’s because every time when you scold us, we feel so wrong about our actions that we need to meditate on it and then, we just can’t help falling asleep as we process your “Words of Wisdom”! Maybe it’s the air-cond in your car, just makes us take naps uncontrollably, hahahaha…” Came the cheeky reply from my oldest, Cheeky Koko.
I laughed, amused and embarrassed by my “long windedness” as seen in the eyes of my kids.
Don’t think Britain or America Got Talent would ever invite me to showcase this nagging talent either, like ever!